Fabulous Floppers, Bogus Burficts, Sulking Skovs, Doubtable Thomases

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the Gift."

Steve Prefontaine

Track Town USA has been the site of sustained innovation and competitive excellence, but it's ironic the Fosbury Flop was invented in Corvallis.

Dick Fosbury revolutionized the high jump by turning his back to the bar, and won an Olympic gold medal in '68 by leaping seven-four and a quarter. He elevated falling down to an art form. 34 of the next 36 gold medalists copied his technique.

But imagine the disdain Steve Prefontaine might have felt for those post-modern practitioners of the flop like the California Bear nose tackles. An artless and cowardly dive, obvious, looking over to the sideline, then looking for a place to land. Sophomore Aaron Tipoti, number 40, the designated flopper, has a total of 13 tackles on the year. He's not on the Cal two-deep, but might get an award at the team banquet for the best performance in a chicken-shit role.

The weird thing is, real cramps usually don't make you collapse on the ground. The first thing a person with a leg cramp wants to do is straighten the leg out, get some pressure on the foot to get the cramping muscle (usually a hamstring) to release the tension. They're very painful, but the last thing you want to do with a true cramp is lie down. That would only make the grip of the cramp worse. The seizing muscle gets full control when the leg is relaxed in that way. Pickle juice or a dollop of mustard can often relieve a leg cramp, and hydration is the best preventative.

The faked injuries are galling because they are anti-competitive. Oregon's relentless pace is a weapon on the field, and like a good fast-break basketball team, it's a highly entertaining style of play. The Bill Laimbeer-style flops are not. Tennessee, Stanford, and Cal all employed the flop, and Arizona State took it to the extreme. Vontaze Burfict made more miraculous recoveries than a plant in the crowd at a Benny Hinn rally.

The NCAA Competition Committee will have to look into this issue next off-season. Not much is likely to be done before then. It's ticklish, because of the liability the association has in potentially mislabelling genuine injuries. Play has to be stopped to aid an injured player. In a violent collision sport where lethal injuries are possible on any play, the benefit of the doubt has to be extended to the fallen player.

JShufelt of Addicted to Quack points out that faked injuries are already against NCAA rules. He cites the NCAA Football Rules and Interpretations, which label the flopping as "an unethical practice" :

h. Feigning an injury for the purpose of gaining additional, undeserved time for one’s team. An injured player must be given full protection under the rules, but feigning injury is dishonest, unsportsmanlike and contrary to the spirit of the rules. Such tactics cannot be tolerated among sportsmen of integrity.

Under the rules, violations like these can be flagged with an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. It's listed along with behaviors like leading with the crown of the helmet or using "nontherapeutic drugs." It's a hard penalty to enforce, however, because it's difficult to prove. It becomes a gray area, and coaches love to exploit gray areas, like crossing routes which become illegal picks.

There are a host of possible solutions to this dilemma, none perfect:

Penalize teams for obvious faking. True, it would be judgment call, but so is pass interference.

Create a minimum number of plays the injured player has to sit out.

Fine the coaches upon review of the film. Make the fines stick, and make them substantial. Donate the money to the Shriner's Hospital or some other worthy charity.

Charge a timeout for each injury, or each successive injury. To accommodate legitimate injuries, increase the number of timeouts from three per half to five, and allow no other substitutions during an injury timeout other than to replace the injured player. Charge a timeout regardless for any injury in the last six minutes of either half.

Do nothing. A team that coaches its players to flop has already lost. They've communicated to their players, "We're not conditioned. We can't compete. We have to lay down and fake injuries because we can't play at their tempo. You're not tough enough to man up and play these guys without this pathetic tactic. We're going to lose if we don't break the rules to gain an unfair advantage. Aaron, we're sending you into the game because you're expendable. When I give the signal I want you to pretend to be hurt, so Cameron can get a blow in a critical situation. You're the team's designated stooge."

Football takes pride and courage. A team that has to have that talk on Tuesday before the game won't have the heart to stop an 18-play drive in the fourth quarter with the game on the line. But they'll be ready with their excuses after the game. They spent valuable preparation time to learn them. Their coach sent a clear, unfortunate message. They were instructed to give less than their best. That's probably why they're 5-5.